


A Bland Night Across Space And Time

by genericfanatic



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-05 00:35:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12179538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genericfanatic/pseuds/genericfanatic
Summary: Across the universe, people have a night in.A reward fic for getting 1,000 followers for my blogBland Voltron Headcanons





	A Bland Night Across Space And Time

**Author's Note:**

> It's another reward fic! First: Thank you so much to everyone who has liked, reblogged, and followed my blog, it really means a lot to see you guys love something I made.
> 
> A special thanks to [keelan-666](http://keelan-666.tumblr.com), [yellowmagicalgirl](http://yellowmagicalgirl.tumblr.com), [kendrixtermina](http://kendrixtermina.tumblr.com), [dreamstormdragon](http://dreamstormdragon.tumblr.com), [lustdemonlaz](http://lustdemonlaz.tumblr.com), and ALL the wonderful Anons who contributed to the whopping EIGHTY headcanons presented in this fic!

Keith’s Room

Keith considered his knife collection. It was all laid out on the bed. He kept his bayard and his Marmora knife on him at pretty much all times, but that didn’t stop him wanting others. It was fascinating, the kinds of blades that aliens came up with. Some were for fighting, some were for cooking, some were made out of materials Keith couldn’t begin to fathom, but he was sure they were useful for something. Eventually. Probably. 

He heard a knock about 3 doors down, “Keith?” Hunk’s voice was muffled from the hallway. Curious, Keith poked his head out of his door. 

Hunk was knocking on a door that was certainly not his. “Hunk?” Keith asked. 

“Ah!” Hunk jumped at the sound, took a deep breath, and looked up. “AH!” He jumped again, looking at him. He composed himself quicker this time. “Um. Keith. I don’t know how to say this, but you…you’re…” 

Hunk pointed at him until Keith looked down at himself. His hand was purple. “Oh…” He said, “Must have missed my Quintessence shot.” He beckoned Hunk over with a hand as he went looking for the medication Kolivan gave him. Kolivan had been nice to him, as of late. Apparently he, Antok, and Keith’s other parent that Kolivan still refused to talk about had been close friends.

Hunk approached cautiously. “So…you moved rooms, again, huh?” Hunk said, trying to bridge the awkward conversation gap. Keith had been moving rooms ever since he arrived. “You have to do…that…a lot?” He said, pointing at the injection of Quintessence Keith gave himself. 

“Mm-hmm,” Keith said. “Coran said my Dad must have pumped me full of the stuff, which is how I stayed human-looking so long. Unfortunately he died of cancer when I was 7, so…”

“Oh…” Hunk said, awkwardly. He then giggled. Keith looked up, horrified, “No! Oh god, sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Hunk said, swallowing, “I just…my brain went on a tangent. I was thinking…well, in your galra form you kinda look like a mole with a mullet, and, well, your birthday’s October 23rd which is mole day, and….just a cool coincidence….” He trailed off. Keith snorted, easing the tension.

“What’s up, Hunk?” Keith said, now that he was more human. 

Hunk shuffled between his feet. “Pidge wants to watch some horror movie, so…I thought…”

“Ah,” Keith said, catching on. Lance and Hunk weren’t particularly good with horror movies, but Keith was good at pointing out all the ridiculous things the characters did to get themselves killed. This helped them. “Sure, come on.”

Hunk breathed a deep sigh of relief. “Thank you,” He said, following Keith down the hall. “I wanted to watch Gordon Ramsay or even some anime! Like, have you seen ‘Pretty Cure’?” Keith shook his head, “I watched it all the time as a tween. But, Pidge pointed out I’d gotten to chose the last several things, and it was all Dance Dance Revolution, so, it was her turn.”

“Mmm.” Keith said, nodding along. He remembered the several DDR competitions. Hunk was really good at it, which is why he kept choosing it. 

They made their way to the common room. “Hey, Pidge,” Hunk said, “Pidgerooni, Pidge-Podge, Katie, Katherine, Kates—“

“You only get to call me ‘Kates’ if you’re dating me,” Pidge said, getting the tv set up. “And no amount of nicknames is going to get you out of ‘Skinwalker Scares 3.’

Hunk whined and sat on the couch. Keith sat next to him and patted his arm comfortingly. 

Hunk tried to distract himself with snacks. “Peanut, Keith?” he offered. 

Keith shook his head, “Sorry. Allergic.”

“I thought you were just allergic to alcohol?” Pidge said, remembering the event at a peace treaty signing. Keith had been sick for a week afterwards. 

“All Galra are allergic to alcohol,” Keith said, “I’M allergic to peanuts.” Hunk offered the bowl to Pidge, but Pidge shook her head, sticking out her tongue in disgust. Hunk shrugged and enjoyed them himself. 

The main characters were introduced, a pair of paranormal investigators, pretending that the film was like a documentary. It clearly wasn’t, “These guys didn’t even do any hard research BEFORE they got there,” Keith said, mocking them, “That’s like, 101 for being a paranormal investigator.”

“How do you know?” Hunk asked. 

Keith blinked at him, “Because I WAS a paranormal investigator.” 

“Yeah, Hunk,” Pidge said, leaning up, “Haven’t you ever seen his youtube videos?” Hunk shook his head. “Our boy’s famous! And he’s become a celebrity since we reconnected to the internet. I helped him re-build his rig.”

“Huh,” Hunk said, “Find anything in Space?” 

Keith thought back to the EVP recorder that had picked up signs of what was possibly King Alfor. He didn’t want to freak out Allura, though, so he said, “Nope.”

They kept watching the film. Hunk gasped every time there was a jumpscare, which more often than not was a fake out. He actually screamed when the monster was revealed. “Oh please,” Keith said, “That looks NOTHING like a Skinwalker.”

“Have you seen one before?” Pidge asked, as though Hunk weren’t shivering in fear beside her. 

Keith nodded. “Well, you can’t really describe it as seeing it, but that’s the only thing it can be described as,” He said, “It followed me home as I was getting food back when I lived out in the desert. It was like it wasn’t even really there, but it was. It was just…unreal, like I couldn’t even comprehend what I was seeing.”

Pidge and Hunk went silent, Keith’s words scarier than anything the TV could offer them. Pidge picked up the remote and shut the TV off. “I think that’s enough of that.” 

Hunk sighed in relief. “Engineering stuff?” Pidge nodded. “Keith you’re welcome to join us.”

Keith nodded as well, “Hey, by any chance, do you…I mean, do you have time for…” He took out his fidget spinner from his pocket. 

Hunk and Pidge smiled, “Sure, dude,” Pidge said, taking it from him. “Sorry we haven’t gotten to it before, you know. Engine stuff.” 

“No, it’s fine,” Keith said, “I get it.”

Hunk whistled low, looking at it. “Wow, you did a number on it, huh?”

Keith shrugged, embarrassed. “Shiro disappearing was…stressful,” He said. They nodded, understanding. “Anyway, that’s nothing, you should have seen what I did in fifth grade.”

Pidge chuckled, “You were a problem kid, weren’t you?”

Keith nodded, almost proud. “I repeated fifth. Well, I mean it wasn’t just the discipline stuff, I was moving around ‘cause of foster homes.”

“Ahhh,” Pidge said, not judging, just nodding in understanding, “See, I SKIPPED 3rd grade, so,”

Keith rolled his eyes, “Well, we weren’t all the smartest girl in the state.” 

Pidge did not react. She seemed to be thinking. “I mean…” Pidge said, “Technically speaking, I’m more bigender.” She said.

Keith nodded appreciatively. “Didn’t mean to assume. Agender myself.”

“Nice,” Pidge offered her fist for him to bump. “I’ve known for a while. I mean, that’s why I picked a bit of a gender neutral name, you know.”

“I get it,” Keith said. “Pidge isn’t all that uncommon a name anymore, really.”

“9th most popular unisex name 15 years before I was born,” She said with a chuckle, “Not that I did a ton of research or anything…” Keith snorted. 

“Wait a sec,” Hunk said, looking up from the spinner, “If you repeated a grade, shouldn’t you be older than me and Lance?” Keith nodded. “But…you don’t look…I mean, I guess its different, but…”

“Galra apparently age slightly slower than humans,” Keith said with a shrug.

“Huh,” Hunk said, “Welp. I think its all set. Why don’t you take it out for a spin?”

Keith rolled his eyes at the pun, but gladly took his spinner back. It worked perfectly, and he smiled. “Thank you guys.” They smiled back. 

“Yeah yeah,” Pidge said, “Well, we can’t have you training yourself to exhaustion every night can we? You’re already starting to get a white streak like Shiro’s.”

Keith hummed. “We’re all gonna have white streaks before long.” Pidge and Hunk hummed and watched the little spinner go around and around.

***

Alternate Reality

“You may have taken the comet from us, Akira,” Hira said over her communications link, “But you will never win. Surrender now.”

Akira stared politely at the screen at the pink-haired Altean. “She’s trying to locate our signal,” Pidge said. Akira nodded, not concerned. The Holt brothers, Matt and Pidge were a pair of the most dangerous Guns of Gamara, ever since they, Sven, and their father went to Kerberos. 

Pidge would make sure they weren’t tracked. “You are Altean, Akira,” Hira said over the communication, “You could be a valued part of our Empire! The Empire built by Allura herself!”

Akira shook his head, more in exasperation than in answer. “You’re so obsessed with Empress Allura, Hira. I bet you were one of those kids that thought you’d be best friends with her if only she was alive today.” He leaned forward. “I may be half Altean, but I’m also half Human. And you know what I think? I think Empress Allura would be ashamed if she could see what you were doing here. She’d be ashamed at what you’d done to the universe.”

“You don’t know that,” Hira snarled. 

“Slav,” Akira asked, “Any other universes back me up.”

“Uh…” Slav said, “Well, its hard to tell, I mean, Empress Allura existed so long ago, that in most realities, I wasn’t around for it, and so I can’t see into realities where I don’t exist, so—“

“Okay, don’t hurt yourself.” Akira shut him down. “The point is Hira, you’re going to have to try a lot harder than that. End transmission.”

***

Shiro’s Room

Shiro had done some pretty ‘emo’ things in his time. Kept doing, really, though only Keith really knew that. But, he thought, staring down an evil clone on himself and trying to get to know him was possibly the most emo thing he’d ever done. 

The clone had taken the name ‘Kuron’ now that they’d found the real one. Coran had suggested that they try and get to know each other. 

“So…” Shiro said, “You…have all of my memories?”

Kuron shrugged. “I guess so,” He said, “I mean, I wouldn’t remember if I didn’t, right?” 

Shiro hummed thoughtfully. “Where did I work in high school?” 

“That fast food joint, Belly Burgers,” Kuron answered easily, “I—or, you—just worked drive through though. I still get nightmares about customers screaming about pickles.”

Shiro snorted. “Yeah. Weird experimentation and kidnapping is nothing to food service.”

Kuron smiled. “You know the weirdest thing?” Shiro raised an eyebrow. “This isn’t even that weird, being around you. It just feels like I’m talking to Ryou.”

Shiro blinked. Ryou was his twin brother back on Earth. Or as he was sometimes known, Sven. “You remember Ryou?” 

Kuron nodded, “Of course. He used to encourage the family Maltese puppies to chew through my—your shoes. Damn Walking Angry hair.”

Shiro laughed at that, “Yeah…hope the puppies are okay. Ryou too.”

 

Meanwhile, at the Shirogane house: The puppies bark and howl, missing their boys.

Meanwhile, in space: Ryou/Sven was stranded on Earth’s moon. “Now it’s personal. I’ll say ‘yoo hoo’ and PUNCH HIS STUPID FACE!”

 

“It’s like…everything’s similar, but just slightly different, you know?” Kuron said, “Like, that time I—you—whatever! tried to talk to Lance and Pidge even though Pidge spoke Italian, Lance spoke Spanish and we were speaking Portuguese. The words sound similar, but in the end no one knows what anyone else is saying.

Shiro nodded. “I think I get it.” Kuron sighed in relief. “So how do we work this, now?” 

“I don’t know,” Kuron answered, unsure of himself, “Obviously, you’d be Black Paladin, now. Not that I ever really was.” He smirked, “Actually, it’s kinda relaxing. You can be the parental guardian figure now. 

Shiro ran a hand through his hair, annoyed and not a little bit jealous, “God help me. Or maybe it’s curse the spirits around me, or whatever it is my parents tried to teach.” He wasn’t sure what his Shinto father and Catholic mother would have to say at his current situation. “I need to go back to the spa.”

That had been where they found Shiro. A fancy spa, with tons of relaxing time, and no clue about what was happening in the rest of the universe. Kuron chuckled. “Maybe I should go too. I could uh…use a haircut.” He awkwardly ran his hand through his short hair. 

“Ah…sorry about that.” Shiro said “You got your terrible skills in hair cutting from me.” 

Kuron shrugged. “I guess I’ll have to get re-registered as an organ donor. Or, registered for the first time…is organ donation even a THING in alien cultures?”

“Who knows,” Shiro said, shrugging. Awkward silence stretched between them again. “Oh! I know, we can try out Lance’s icebreaker question…things.” He took out a pad from his drawer. “Okay…What kind of animal would you take into a cryopod for 10,000 years?”

“Hmm,” Kuron thought long and hard. “I guess…probably one of those rabbits from that planet the Green Lion was on.” He stroked his chin, “Or a sheep.” 

Shiro raised his eyebrow, “A sheep?”

Kuron shrugged. “You asked.”

Shiro sighed and flipped the card for the next question. 

***

10,000 Years Ago

“Look at her!” Alfor cooed around the dinner table, “Look at how talented she is!” 

The paladins offered their best fake smiles as Alfor lifted his baby daughter so she could stand on the table. “Alfor…” Blaytz said, “Listen…Allura’s a great kid…but…”

“You’re obsessed.” Gyrgan interjected. The others turned to stare at him, “What? It’s true. He cried more than she did when she was born, and I could hear it 3 rooms over.”

Trigel cleared her throat, “Um, perhaps you could focus on other duties? Taking care of Altea and all that?”

Alfor shrugged, “Alteans are matrilineal. Her mother’s taking care of all of that. Which means I get to spend all my time with you!” He booped Allura on the nose. “Yes I do! Yes I do~~!”

The paladins rolled their eyes. Blaytz turned to Zarkon, “Are you SURE you want that?” He nodded to where Alfor had devolved into more cooing.

Zarkon grit his teeth. “Actually…Honerva and I have still been having trouble on that front.” 

Blaytz face fell. “Oh my, I’m so sorry.”

Zarkon sighed, “It’s fine. We’re looking into quintessence as an option. It should help.”

“Quintessence?” Trigel asked, “Don’t you think you’re becoming a little obsessed with that stuff?”

“Obsessed?” Zarkon asked, “Hardly”

 

In the future: Baby Lotor looked up at his Galra nanny. “What do you mean my name’s ‘Lotor’? My name is Quintessence!”

 

“It’s not JUST me, either,” Zarkon said, “Alfor’s been doing experiments with Quintessence. 

“Well,” Alfor said, baby Allura clinging to his goatee, “Technically the lions are a combination of several things including tachyons, dark matter and—“

“Lord Zarkon,” A young Galra servant approached the table, “There’s a message incoming from your wife,” 

Zarkon bristled at him, “What is your name, boy?”

The teenage Galra blinked, “M-Marmora, sir.”

“Well, Marmora,” Zarkon said, “It is not the place of a servant to interrupt a King, as you have just done to Alfor.”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” Alfor said, baby Allura climbing over his head, “This is Altea, not Daibazaal. Servants interact with people here. Why, I remember when your wife Honerva was younger, she had quite the crush on my steward,” He gave a nod to Coran standing behind him. Coran looked rather uncomfortable at having Zarkon’s attention drawn on him. 

Zarkon’s nose flared, “Come, servant.” He stood up and stormed out of the room, “I have to talk to my wife.” 

***

Lion Castle Kitchen

Matt sat his laptop in front of Coran and Allura. “So, Human Culture for Alteans 101. Where would you like to start?”

Allura raised her hand. “The…fish?” Allura said, pointing to the tank of 7 fish they had acquired on an alien planet, “Some of the names you chose for them are…confusing.” 

“For instance,” Coran said, “The one you named…Spot?”

“Spock,” Matt corrected, “Pidge named hers Spot, which is a common dog name and Pidge likes being contrary. Spock is a fictional character from a television series called Star Trek. He was a Vulcan, which is an alien species with green blood and a lot of logic. Well…” He trailed off, “Technically he’s half Vulcan, but that’s a tangent for another time.”

Allura and Coran nodded, as though he were explaining important information. “This… ‘Star Trek,’” Coran said, “Is that where Jar Jar Binks is from?” Lance had called Coran that one day when he was in a bad mood, and everyone had been upset. 

“No,” Matt said, “He’s from Star Wars. The prequels, anyway, which automatically make Star Wars the worse franchise, no matter what Pidge, Shiro, and Lance say.” Matt snorted, “Keith’s the only one who understands me…” Matt trailed off, clearly in his own thoughts, “And Hunk likes Battlestar Galactica best. Who likes Battlestar Galactica best? I mean, Firefly I understand, but Battle—“

“Um, Matt…” Allura interrupted, “Do we…do we need to watch all these things? It sounds like a lot.”

Matt shook his head, coming back to himself. “No, not all of it. The new Star Wars movie is pretty cool, according to Pidge. I didn’t get to see it before Kerberos.” He sighed, “We all missed out on a lot of stuff. You should join us, we’ve been trying to catch up, like, there was a whole new Spiderman movie. AND Guardians of the Galaxy 2 came out, so…”

“Oh! The Guardians!” Coran said, “We know them!”

“Yeah?” Matt said, “Did Pidge show you?

“No,” Allura said, equally excited, “We met them!” 

If Matt had been drinking water, he would have spit it out. “You WHAT?”

“Yes, there was an incident at the Space Mall,” Coran added, “The Paladins were getting something called ‘coffee’ that they all seem to like. We can’t have any, as apparently Alteans are…what’s the word Hunk used… ‘lactose intolerant’….there was an incident with a milkshake….ANYWAY they were arguing about who should pay the check as they ALWAYS do, and a fight broke out. Somehow, the fight expanded into these 5 strangers, including the leader of them, a part human named Starman or something…”

“Starlord?” Matt asked reverently.

“Ah, yes, that was it.”

Matt rested his head on the table. “I can’t believe it…first I find out it was Alteans who were responsible for the WOW signal…now I learn the MCU is canon to our world…Disney really has taken over the universe.”

“Oh, I’ve heard of Disney too!” Allura said. Matt half expected her to say she had met The Lion King, “The paladins wouldn’t stop singing those damn kids songs. Some were useful for motivation, like that… ‘making a man’ song, but after Lance couldn’t stop singing about ‘waiting to be king’ we had to ban it for a human week.”

Matt snorted and rested his head on his arms. “You all sure have been through a lot together while I was…you know, away.” He bit his lip. “You know the five of them have an agreement to platonically marry each other when Pidge turns 30? For the tax benefits I guess…” Coran and Allura raised an eyebrow. “Nevermind. Advanced Human Culture things.”

Coran patted Matt on the back, “If we can get used to things 10,000 years in the future, you can get the hang of things too. Just give yourself time.” Matt smiled. 

***

Galra Prison

“And THIS is my son, Matt,” Sam said, lightyears away from his son, “It was back during his horse phase. Oh, look at him,” He said, showing the photograph to any of the prisoners who had not been in prison long enough to know not to listen. 

“And my daughter, of course, as well. Katerina Miranda Holt,” He smiled looking down at her. “You know, I was rather insistent on the Italian name, even though she doesn’t go by it much. I’m a third generation immigrant, while my dear wife’s family immigrated back in the Industrial revolution. So you see, I feel far more tied to those roots.

“Of course, They both got MY love for the stars, if not my Italian heritage. You know, I still want that data I collected back on Kerberos. My kids would probably outraged at the very idea, but I really want it and…”

He continued rambling long into the night. 

***

Lion Hangar

Lance was down in the lion hangar, sitting cross legged in front of the Blue Lion. “Oh come on, Blue…” he was saying, sitting at her base, “You can’t stay mad at me forever.”

Blue remained stubbornly silent. All the lions had returned to their original paladins with the return of Shiro, and Blue had SEEMED to let Lance back in…up until his birthday celebration where Lance had birthday cake shaped like the blue lion. He thought he was doing her an honor. SHE was horrified to see a version of herself with the head cut off. 

“It was just a cake!” He protested. She ignored him still. “Look, that was a big moment for me. Coran and Allura hooked up that internet connection to Earth,” Lance couldn’t help smiling at the memory, “I got to see my family again, and I showed them the cake. They run a BAKERY, Blue. And I was never allowed to work there as a kid because my skills were…not great. I had to work at Bed, Bath and Beyond!” 

Lance sighed. On the whole, it wasn’t his worst birthday. In addition to the communication, the paladins had all snuck out to go to a hover cycle race. Lance had even beat Keith. The closest birthday to it had been when he became legal drinking age, and ended up staying home with tons of his favorite foods. God, he missed his family’s cooking…the roast pork, the tostones, flan, arroz con sachicha and the Cuban Bread. Ohhh sweet, buttery Cuban Bread. 

His worst birthday had been when he got a car and then IMMEDIATELY got a speeding ticket. Whoops. 

“PLEASE, Azul!” Lance begged, using his secret name for her. All the paladins had secret names for their lions. He brought up crocodile tears, and said in his most dramatic voice, “You’re breaking my heart!” 

Okay, Blue KNEW it was an act, but Lance had a feeling he was getting to her. He was always the one giving 110% on in his school plays, even when he was just playing a tree.

‘You ARE being a bit rude,’ Black communicated to Blue on a level Lance couldn’t hear, ‘He’s doing his best.’

‘Says the Lion who locked Zarkon out for three days,’ Blue retorted, ‘AND grounded Shiro.’

‘That’s not fair, he was a clone,’ Black said.

‘Oh shush. You may be the leader, but you’re still the youngest,’ Blue grumped. It was true, Black had been made last. 

‘Well, I’M oldest,’ Red said, ‘and I say you’re being ridiculous.’

‘HMPH!’ Blue said. 

“Alright,” Lance said, “You’re making me do this.” He leaned back and started singing, “Scars heal, glory fades, but all we’re left with are the memories made! Pain hurts but only for a minute, you’re life is so short so go on and live it cause the chicks dig it.”

Blue felt her resolve waning. She loved that song almost as much as Lance. It had bothered Allura when she was the Blue Paladin. Black laughed at her. ‘Oh shut up,’ she told him, ‘Like you weren’t thrilled when Keith would hum “Welcome to the Black Parade” while piloting you.’

“Really?” Lance said, “That didn’t work either? Well…I guess I just have one stop left…”

‘Oh no’ Blue thought. She couldn’t resist the—

“LASER POINTER!!” Lance said, pulling the device out of his pocket. The Blue Lion perked up, poising to pounce on the red dot when it appeared. Lance knew better than to stay in the center of the hangar, so backed away before activating it. Lance smiled as Blue chased it around, making huge mechanical crashes every time she pounced.

This, unfortunately, was followed by several other loud crashes. Lance looked around. To one side, the Black lion and the Red lion were stuck, and on the other was Yellow and Green. All four were trying to get in, paws flailing and attempting to capture the blasted Red Dot. 

The large mechanical noises attracted the attention of the other Paladins. “LANCE!” He hard Shiro’s voice call through the communicator. 

Lance chuckled nervously. “Whoops.”


End file.
